The Intelligent Designer's Prayer

Our Intelligent Designer,
Who art in the unspecified-good-place,
Unknown be Thy name.
Thy flagella spin, Thy mousetraps snap,
On Earth, as it is in the
Unspecified-good-place.
Give us each day our unchecked apologetic.
And forgive us our invidious comparisons,
As we smite those iniquitous Darwinists
With rhetoric.
And lead us not into encounters with people
Who ask us to state our theory,
But deliver us from biologists
Who know what we're up to.
For Thine is the irreducible complexity,
And the wiggly parts of bacterial bottoms,
And the inapplicable theorems,
Now and forever.

Amen.


Shamelessly stolen from The Panda's Thumb.

Short Version of A Prayer of St Patrick

Christ shield me today
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

Prayer Before the Kansas House of Representatives

This prayer was sent to me by a close friend. She forwarded a chain letter which had part of the prayer. The chain letter incorrectly said the prayer was recent, given before the Kansas senate.

In fact, the prayer was said by the Reverend Joe Wright in 1996 before the Kansas House. It's still timely and provacative.

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done.
We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We confess that.
We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery,
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare,
We have killed our unborn and called it choice,
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable,
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem,
We have abused power and called it politics,
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition,
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression,
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your will and to openly ask these things in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen!

Prayer for Faith

Creator God, I pray for faith.

Your servant St. Paul said, "Act as if you have faith, and faith will be given to you."

How long, O God, will you let me, your servant, act a part? How long, O God, before I experience your healing presence, before I feel your blessings, before I truly know your love?

Your servant King David asked for a pure heart. In history you hardened the hearts of some and not others. Can you not open my heart, open my eyes and ears so that I may know you?

Your servant asks for deliverance and faith. Doubts and fear assault me, tempt me, make me sick at heart. You made me a skeptic, O Lord; you schooled me in doubt and gave me a love of argument. "I believe, O God, help me to overcome my disbelief!"

I choose you, O Lord. I affirm you with my lips and my mind. I beg you to bring my heart into your presence. I pledge my self to you, and pray always that I carry out your will. I ask for discernment, wisdom and your guidance.

Have mercy on me, O God who made the heaven and the earth, and show me your light, give me the faith which I seek.

But "your will be done, not mine." If it be your will, then send me to my grave full of doubts.

Amen.